Almost toppled over

Ok, I have to announce this. It is absolutely CRAZY trying to be friendly and stay objectively rationale, cool,calm & collected maintain the almost non-existence friendship or whatever fuck it is ex-relationship with Jason.
If I can, I would ring him the very minute I am typing this now, to ROAR him down.
I have to HATE this guy to keep my emotion balance.

Yes,I was the one who initiated the 'cooling off' but since when this cooling off is NOW a break up?
Yes, I am the one who "christened" this as BREAK UP cos' it fucking feels like one!

Tell me WHY on earth should I carry on staying with a guy who can't keep up with me? By keeping up, I meant maintaining my basic emotion/security balance.
I am hell of a very insecure gal inside and all I need is someone who blah blah de blah. (Now I know you are sick of reading it so I am not typing it anymore.)

Good old Saturday again and I am having a date with Java Chip Frappucino @ Starbucks,Orchard Parade Hotel this time round.
I am beginning to be sick of all these frappucinos. They are now tasting all the same in my tongue and I don't fancy latte. Whatever skinny latte is. Hell!

I am once again fighting the urge to call Jason. Why can't he call me? I figured that he didn't want to. Just because he claims he is not a phone person,I think he might as well learn NOT to talk at all.
Which is something he is doing now. NOT talking to me at all!

Please Jason, do me a favour. Might as well don't try to keep up with me with your once in a while 'Hope the day is going fine for you.' this kinda half bucket shites!
Your ethics of 'NEVER HERE FOR ME ENOUGH' are killing me and I hope to kill you all the same. I really feel like coming over and slap you with a BOILING cup of coffee this time round. Don't even try me!

I don't even know why the fuck do I bother to comment at his Facebook. Hands tangled with all the guitar strings? I hope they make your fingers, all ten of them bleed and you end up losing too much blood and need to call the blood bank for help!
I am REALLY pissed when he replied back that 'with a new guitar, he would strum better'. THAT IS THE FUCKING GUITAR I WENT TO BUY ON A SUNDAY WITH MY BROTHER,LOOKING AND BEHAVING LIKE A NOOB(of cos' I am one) FOR HIS CHRISTMAS!
It made me boils just thinking he has all the time on his Saturday playing that guitar, uploading his former LOVE days with soccer(AND THAT WAS ALL THE SHITES I PUT UP WITH!) on Facebook.
I don't know what the fuck he is doing now but a good chance would be either working or spend with his mum and aunties on some west side of Singapore.

SURE, anything but to even bother try talking to me!

Even if technically it is NOT his responsibility to do so anymore but it just makes me mad thinking he never did better in the past either, and now it is even better for him cos' he doesn't really have to think how I would feel.
I know that by saying all these I am just being jealous, bitter, judgemental and whatever.
Can you please leave me some space cos' I don't wanna play Samaritan by trying to be fair and think how Jason would feel.

Who would think how I feel huh?!

How do I feel when my colleague asks me about the movies cos' I was one who watched almost every movie faster than anyone.

How do I feel when I am now stuck roaming around, drinking at Starbucks trying to pass off as a independent lady who is comfortable with herself.....When a part of her really wanna go off and strangles her ex-boyfriend the very minute!

How do I feel when my dad asks if Jason has called? No Dad, HE NEVER CALLS! PERIOD!

How do I feel when my mum keeps ranting that why do we break after so long and assumes (I know she assumes this) that it must be me who has the bad temper and chase away such a good guy.

How do I feel when supposedly when I broke up with my ex-boyfriend, I was left with the impression that I was stupid to let go and NOW he doesn't do anything about it either?

No,I don't need your explanations! I can only tell you that the longer we are apart and with all these feelings I am feeling now, I think the beautiful notion of us returning back to each other's arms on June 21st is just like what a 5 year old thinks that all couple live happily ever after.
Beautiful, innocent and STUPID!

I've got a premonition. I can see that the very minute I see Jason once more, I would break into big tears again. Which is gonna be soon perhaps cos' I bought his cousin - Charmaine, her b'day gift already.
What is her?8 years old now? I was there when she celebrated her 5th,6th and 7th! I could have been there when she celebrated her 4th but for a reason, I wasn't.
Now I can't be there for her 8th and I doubt now that I would be there for any of the forecoming.

Now I have all the way to keep this anger and injustice I feel beneath me so I would not throw the present right across his face when I see him and/or won't cry.

And I am now keeping my fingers crossed that 5th Feb would just work up anyhow and this time round,if it happens...I won't mince my words nor pictures. It's high time you all see who I am going out with.
No, I am NOT going out with anyone now nor in the near future. I meant that literally, like going-out.

All these dating shites can jolly well fuck off till I find someone who is worthy. God bless!

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Ok, I feel more balanced after ranting all that out. Although I wasn't shouting but typing all these just have the same effect on me.

If you'd realised, the reason I am so angry is because I care but don't even try me. I am all ready to slap a boiling cup of coffee on you anytime!

F-off!